If you were a character in the TV show Friends, who would you be?
I’ve always seen myself as the Phoebe.
A little story for you…
recently I was with two colleagues-turned-friends, who are most like Ross and Monica. (Though they aren’t siblings).
Our plan was to head over to Gozo, only it was a gusty day, so although we boarded ok, the ride was hampered by delays.
After five minutes or so of bobbing up and down in the Channel, Ross started firing questions at us. Some oddball in nature and others deep and probing.
Call it his Ross-like version of ‘eye spy’ 👀
But, one of his questions struck a chord:
‘Have you ever cried at work and why?‘
Turns out both Monica and I had, for the same reason—losing a loved one. My grandad and her dad. And talking about it brought up emotions. Strong ones.
Poor Ross.
So now he was stuck on a non-moving ferry with two grieving women. One of whom was now crying.
The anniversary of Monica’s dad’s passing was only the day before. Three years.
But it wasn’t uncomfortable or anything. We were able to comfort Monica, and she opened up and shared some incredible memories. And you know what? It ended up becoming a beautiful moment. Enough to make it here! 😂
Go Ross.
What I’ve come to realise is, in the immediate aftermath of losing someone, you get plenty of “I’m sorrys” and “how are you doings?” but after a (short) while, those queries become less and less. An unspoken assumption is made, and you’re sort of expected to just be okay.
Grief doesn’t go away, you just sort of live with it. But every now and again like a wave it washes over you unexpectedly—whether you’re making a cup of tea or stuck on a ferry playing a ‘silly’ game. 🤦🏾♀️
So, I guess what I’m saying in my Phoebe-like way is: irrespective of the Friends character you most identify with…just be a good one!
Ask the “awkward” questions.