Breakups often get framed as battles of right and wrong—where one is almost always the villain, and another gets hurt.
At least, that’s how we tend to see it—black and white. But we’re complex, emotional humans. And it’s not always that simple.
These thoughts cropped up whilst dancing away like a fairy at a festival, though there’s more to it than that…
It all started when I bumped into an old friend.
He used to date this woman I knew. Though, they weren’t just “dating”—they were a family. Lived together, raised her kid for ten years.
When they broke up, it came out of the blue. His choice.
She still loved him, though. Everyone knew that. She would’ve taken him back in a heartbeat.
Even after they split, they still showed up at the same parties. Birthdays, Christmas dinners—like nothing had changed. They joked, flirted, acted like they were still together.
It was a bit strange. And, looking back, maybe their behaviour also suited the group—no awkwardness, right?
That is, until she tearfully told me, they were still seeing each other.
‘Just casually,’ she said.
‘Oh!’ I managed.
You could tell she thought he’d come back.
Fully committed this time.
One day, maybe.
Maybe he’d figure it out.
Then, eight months ago, he got married.
To someone else.
I asked him about her, and he smiled in a way I hadn’t seen before.
‘She’s amazing,’ he said about his new bride. ‘We have this connection. She just gets me. I’ve never felt this way with anyone else’.
I couldn’t stop thinking about his ex.
She’s doing ok, by the way—bought a house. Quit drinking and travels the world now.
But I wondered how she’d feel hearing him say that about someone he’s only known for two years.
Did she ever ask herself why she wasn’t enough?
I mean, you don’t give away pieces of yourself—without that thought creeping in.
I know.
Call it projection or protection. But I couldn’t help myself.
‘More than your ex?’ I asked.
He paused.
‘I loved her,’ he said. ‘I still do. But it was different. We weren’t right for each other. Look how much she’s grown since we split’.
And to be fair… he’s right. She’s thriving. At least on the outside.
But it made me think. How breakups can feel so heartbreaking, so unfair.
We try to make sense of them, try to find someone to blame.
But what if there’s no one to blame?
What if the person you thought was your person… just isn’t?
I know that’s a hard pill to swallow. Bitter doesn’t even cut it, because breakups sting in a way nothing else does.
But over time, you come to accept: it wasn’t meant to be.
So yeah, it was right there in the middle of the festival, I got all deep and thought—letting go doesn’t always have to be about pain or even loss.
Sometimes, it’s about acceptance. And allowing time to create space for what’s truly meant to find its way into your life.